STUPID hormones.

i think my period is putting me in a weird funk... and making me over-emotional right now.

or maybe its the weather.

ugh.

im really frustrated. i didn't see keith this weekend and it was partially my fault because im tired of always having to drive up to see him rather than him sometimes coming down to see me. so i didn't go up friday night and i skipped a show he played saturday night.

then he was supposed to come down sunday to see a show with me, but slept in because of his late night the night before and didn't make it.

then he asked me to come up to see HIM sunday night after the show b/c one of his friends invited him to a bon fire and he thought it'd be fun, but that was after i had already told some of my friends in the show i went to see, that i would hang out with them because they live in nashville, and only god knows when im gonig to get to see them next.

it was really fun seeing them but, at the same time i was kinda sad i missed out on the bon fire with keith.

then today i went to meet up with another friend from the same show... we went out for "linner" (dinner and lunch... yes i made it up)... and keith called me to ask me if i wanted to go see a show with him tonight (a band that he really likes is playing) and i told him that i would if i had enough time, but that i had to drive 30 minutes home (in the opposite direction) to show my dad where my stupid little brother's appointment was for tomorrow.

i ended up calling keith and telling him i wasn't coming because i had to be at the studio tomorrow at 1 and didn't want to get up that early to make the 1.5 hour drive from his place to the studio... and he goes "well... its not that early, but i understand"

fast-forward... my night gets cut short with billy because my dad REALLY needs me to come home and show him where this effing appointment is at cause my NINETEEN year old stupid effing brother doesn't know yet even though he's BEEN THERE plenty of times... but he just doesn't give a fuck to know and is selfish and doesn't realize how that's affecting ME... HIM not knowing HIS OWN SHIT, is affecting ME cause then IIIII have to show my dad where its at or IIIII have to take him to an appointment that turns out is the COMPLETELY WRONG building because IIIIII don't even know where its supposed to be half the time and HEEEEE doesn't either.

ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

eff him.

but anyway... as im driving home i get a hold of some MORE friends from that tour that happen to be in lancaster, to find out what they're doing... and they're making dinner at another friend's house and then heading back to hershey.

so now at this point i keep replaying keith saying "its not that early... but i understand" and the disappointment in his voice and the fact that i reall SHOULD have gone with him because i never get the chance to SEE a show WITH him... because he's always PLAYING in them... and this is something that he was really excited about and asked to share it with me and i was all caught up in everything else and now i wanna cry cause i just wanna be THERE WITH HIM rather than sitting here doing nothing.

and i was invited to drive back out to lebanon to billy's hotel room because the cast is having a party and i COULD go, but i dont wanna make the 30 minute drive back out there again... and im just depressed now and really really really really miss keith and really really really really wish i wasn't an idiot and just WENT with him.

and to top it all off, i ruined a pair of $90 boots that ive own for all of one week, while trying to get out of my car.

i literally think im going to cry. :(