Sometimes I wish sleep weren't necesarry.

You know... it's 3:12am and I'm sitting here thinking to myself, "Just go to Turkey Hill... buy a cup of coffee, or the dreaded Red Bull and pull an all-nighter..."

I mean... I might as well... I KNOW I should have been in bed hours ago, but sleep is SUCH a waste of time... the only problem is that 80% of the things that I want/need to do right now require OTHER people to be AWAKE.

Yet... I still don't *want* to sleep.

I mean... c'mon Emily... the internets will be here when you get home from the studio tomorrow... don't you want to be FUNCTIONAL for the studio tomorrow?

No. I'm just gonna be cleaning his office and doing web work... I only need to be half awake for that... If I were editing audio or helping with a session I would need to be awake...

But aren't you exhausted?

Yep.

So why don't you go to bed?

::shrugs:: I don't wanna... I dunno.

What the hell do you think is gonna happen between now and 9:00am?!

Maybe my cat will come flying through my window on a mini cat jet plane and put on a show using mice that he trained to jump through hoops... HELL if *I* know! I just don't want to go to sleep!

Emily... you have a problem.

More than one...

Not really good timing, Emotions.

You know... I'm feeling kinda insecure right now.

Why?

I dunno... No. That's a lie. I know why... I just don't want to broadcast it across internet land... So Self, please proceed to http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=22885716&blogId=519070999 to read what im talking about, without having to broadcast it to the internet world.

-Love,

Yourself.

I know its only been a week...

but i am *SO* excited to see keith tomorrow :D

i didn't get to see him last weekend... i wasn't really a fan of that.

but i get to see him THIS weekend and he's bringing his ass down HERE. haha :D

...well... for part of the time... we're going back to his place saturday some time because we have to be up where he lives for church the next morning... but... all the same...

*really excited* :D :D :D

pathetic... i know. i don't care.

im happy :D

STUPID hormones.

i think my period is putting me in a weird funk... and making me over-emotional right now.

or maybe its the weather.

ugh.

im really frustrated. i didn't see keith this weekend and it was partially my fault because im tired of always having to drive up to see him rather than him sometimes coming down to see me. so i didn't go up friday night and i skipped a show he played saturday night.

then he was supposed to come down sunday to see a show with me, but slept in because of his late night the night before and didn't make it.

then he asked me to come up to see HIM sunday night after the show b/c one of his friends invited him to a bon fire and he thought it'd be fun, but that was after i had already told some of my friends in the show i went to see, that i would hang out with them because they live in nashville, and only god knows when im gonig to get to see them next.

it was really fun seeing them but, at the same time i was kinda sad i missed out on the bon fire with keith.

then today i went to meet up with another friend from the same show... we went out for "linner" (dinner and lunch... yes i made it up)... and keith called me to ask me if i wanted to go see a show with him tonight (a band that he really likes is playing) and i told him that i would if i had enough time, but that i had to drive 30 minutes home (in the opposite direction) to show my dad where my stupid little brother's appointment was for tomorrow.

i ended up calling keith and telling him i wasn't coming because i had to be at the studio tomorrow at 1 and didn't want to get up that early to make the 1.5 hour drive from his place to the studio... and he goes "well... its not that early, but i understand"

fast-forward... my night gets cut short with billy because my dad REALLY needs me to come home and show him where this effing appointment is at cause my NINETEEN year old stupid effing brother doesn't know yet even though he's BEEN THERE plenty of times... but he just doesn't give a fuck to know and is selfish and doesn't realize how that's affecting ME... HIM not knowing HIS OWN SHIT, is affecting ME cause then IIIII have to show my dad where its at or IIIII have to take him to an appointment that turns out is the COMPLETELY WRONG building because IIIIII don't even know where its supposed to be half the time and HEEEEE doesn't either.

ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

eff him.

but anyway... as im driving home i get a hold of some MORE friends from that tour that happen to be in lancaster, to find out what they're doing... and they're making dinner at another friend's house and then heading back to hershey.

so now at this point i keep replaying keith saying "its not that early... but i understand" and the disappointment in his voice and the fact that i reall SHOULD have gone with him because i never get the chance to SEE a show WITH him... because he's always PLAYING in them... and this is something that he was really excited about and asked to share it with me and i was all caught up in everything else and now i wanna cry cause i just wanna be THERE WITH HIM rather than sitting here doing nothing.

and i was invited to drive back out to lebanon to billy's hotel room because the cast is having a party and i COULD go, but i dont wanna make the 30 minute drive back out there again... and im just depressed now and really really really really miss keith and really really really really wish i wasn't an idiot and just WENT with him.

and to top it all off, i ruined a pair of $90 boots that ive own for all of one week, while trying to get out of my car.

i literally think im going to cry. :(

I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me.

if this isn't a condition... then im making it one. haha

it seems like when ever im awake... i REFUSE to go to sleep... until im practically falling asleep standing up and my eyes have almost burned out of my eye sockets...

...but when im asleep... i REFUSE to get up. ... im like... in denial that its morning... or that im even alive. i just wanna crawl back into my hole and stay there forever and ever amen.

what shall we call this condition?

i dunno. what do you think?

never been angrier.

today... i got stopped by a cop... on my way home... from my aunts house... who lives 5 minutes away.

why?

because i supposedly rolled through a stop sign.

he clocked me going through the intersection at 5mph? what does that even MEAN... don't i HAVE to be moving to be going through an intersection? k. sorry i wasn't going EXACTLY 0 mph at the stop sign... i may have been going .5mph, saw no one was coming in either direction and went.

oooooo

f*** that shit.

$109.

fml.

My First Break-in.

keith's parents live 1.5 hours away from me.

theyr'e away for the weekend.

keith is cat sitting for them...

he is at a show in another state tonight.

i wanted to go to the house to spend the evening with my kitty who is living with his parents right now.

plus he needed me to feed the cats for him.

i get here.

i cant open the garage door.

ive opened it before.

couldn't get it open tonight.

either of them.

so i spent an hour trying to pry the screen away from the window.

i used keys... my fingers... i ripped app art an umbrella to use the metal sticks... and i found a broken drumstick shoved into a potted plant outside the house... THATS what did the trick finally.

i had 2 near breakdowns because i was desperate and frustrated.

the *ONLY* thing (im sure the whole thing will be later... but not right now) that was funny was the fact that MY CAT is a little alien.

he knows my car, so when he lived at home with me and he was outside, i would barely pull up to my house and he'd come bolting across the yard.

well same thing happened here.

he heard noise on the window and scared the SH*T outta me cause im staring at a blank window and all of a sudden BAM! theres my cat. all the OTHER cats either didn't care, or were hiding cause i was freaking THEM out...

but not robin.

and it was ADORABLE cause he kept watching what i was doing and then started pawing at the window trying to get it open. if only it would have been that easy. LMAO!!!!!

*ugh*

but im in now (obviously).