My First Break-in.

keith's parents live 1.5 hours away from me.

theyr'e away for the weekend.

keith is cat sitting for them...

he is at a show in another state tonight.

i wanted to go to the house to spend the evening with my kitty who is living with his parents right now.

plus he needed me to feed the cats for him.

i get here.

i cant open the garage door.

ive opened it before.

couldn't get it open tonight.

either of them.

so i spent an hour trying to pry the screen away from the window.

i used keys... my fingers... i ripped app art an umbrella to use the metal sticks... and i found a broken drumstick shoved into a potted plant outside the house... THATS what did the trick finally.

i had 2 near breakdowns because i was desperate and frustrated.

the *ONLY* thing (im sure the whole thing will be later... but not right now) that was funny was the fact that MY CAT is a little alien.

he knows my car, so when he lived at home with me and he was outside, i would barely pull up to my house and he'd come bolting across the yard.

well same thing happened here.

he heard noise on the window and scared the SH*T outta me cause im staring at a blank window and all of a sudden BAM! theres my cat. all the OTHER cats either didn't care, or were hiding cause i was freaking THEM out...

but not robin.

and it was ADORABLE cause he kept watching what i was doing and then started pawing at the window trying to get it open. if only it would have been that easy. LMAO!!!!!

*ugh*

but im in now (obviously).

Waves.

Hello :D

WAAAAAOOOW. My fiance *MIGHT* be joining a HOE band.

at least thats what i call them.

let me explain.

first, know that im attributing this greatly to the fact that ive been sitting here since 8:30pm (its now 12:24am) or so dealing with a randomly intense-ish anxiety attack and i have *NO* idea why.... so im attributing the following rant to that...


"Today's rant is brought to you by Anxiety: 'Cause everything seems worse with an anxiety attack! *bing!* ::flashes a grin and swings arm in for a thumbs up:: (thats my commercial spot for the day...)

ANYWAY...... hoe band....

when i first met keith he was a member of a pop punkish kinda band, so im used to screaming little 14 -16 year olds screaming about how hot he is while they're standing right next to me with NO CLUE that im his girlfriend (or was... at the time). its cute actually. ...it probably also helped that it was a CHRISTIAN band... so... you know... the chances of hoes coming out of the woodwork were slim to none.... (not that there weren't any.............. thats another story thats not mine to tell because it has to do with another band member...). After them he played with a bunch of alternative country rock type bands... sweet stuff. love it. sure the band's have groupies here and there, but they attract a kind of older crowd... not OLD like grandma old... just... upper twenties through early 40's type deal. again. groupies happen, but not a big deal.

then he played with the blues brotherhood band (while playing with the alt country bands and/or blues bands...) even older crowd still.

the other day he was at the jam at the Sands in Bethlehem and he got scouted by the president of [enter management company here] (i started to write it out, but i thought better about posting it on the WWW. ...nothign is solid so i guess i shouldn't go spreading this shit around unless it falls through... just in case some of the hoe groupies of the band happen to be lurking on weddingbook and are planning on running to the band screaming "OH MY GOD, IS IT TRUE?! lmao! )

ANYWAY............ its this entertainment company that has a bazillion cover bands on their roster... and im talking about high paying gig cover bands that play night clubs and what i like to call "party bars" and this and that and whatever.

well the dude gave keith his card and said he had 2 bands looking for a drummer.

keith's got an audition coming up this week sometime... er, next week actually... (and knowing my lovely husband........to be........ he'll be auditioning THEM as much as they're auditioning him lmao! ...the boy does *not* like to waste his time with worthless projects. if its a dead end gig, they better pay well... if they pay sh*tty, they better not be a dead end gig.... lmao). so anyway (i say that a lot...) i just got done checking out this band...

and i think i had a heart attack.

party band is an accurate term i suppose. HOE band is my affectionate name for bands like these................. they play at places like the ever infamous (to my group of friends anyway, cause we always seem to get into fights there for some reason, even though it NEVER happens ANYWHERE else. ever.) hardware bar. for those of you who don't know what the hardware bar is (and im assuming 98% of you dont...) its like your real life coyote ugly in harrisburg, pa. theres a bar wide enough to dance on and the bartenders will and do. ...and any female patron can just take her little ass on up there and dance till her heart is content. (its all fun and games until some stupid b*tch puts her wine down RIGHT IN FRONT of where you're dancing with POINTED shoes on, which when worn, don't allow you to feel ANYTHING with your toes.... and then you kick it over... get her mostly white dress drenched in red wine.... the spanish chick wants to fight you..... and you're trying to make eye contact with your unobservant fiance who SHOULD be watching you up on the bar in the FIRST place but is staring off into space looking at god knows what.... to get you down of the bar before Mercedes climbs up and beat the ever living SH*T out of you...................... no, im not making that up. i have a funny (to me) yet derrogetory (not to me, cause i own the term... im puerto rican...) name for that almost-fight.)

where was i... i lost my train of thought..... (im sure you did too)... oh yeah. hardware bar... coyote ugly... anyway. that place is SUPER packed all the time. this is the kind of band that plays at THAT kind of bar. you can't move an inch wihtout having drunk dudes hitting on you even with your ring on and your fiance one stool down from you, while you're flagging down the bartender... "im engaged."

"the ring comes off"

"he's RIGHT THERE."

"i bet im better in bed than him..."

"f*** off."

those bars are a MAGNET for hoes and manwhores alike........... and i was watching this promo video for the band and surprise surprise, i recognize the hardware bar........... and one of the last songs of this promo video is "girls girls girls" (that might not be the right title) by .... i dunno who...... and there are TONS of girls (okay... like... 7... or 10....) on the stage... dancing around in their skimpy little................

dear god, my husband......... to be........ might be playing HOE shows every week. MULTIPLE hoe shows. and i won't even be able to GO to most of them.

the groupies he had before... i could deal with.... they weren't REAL groupies.........

THESE are real groupies. *REAL*. *GROUPIES*.

i trust him. i really really do........ but it kinda makes me uncomfortable to think about him constantly flogged by a bunch of hot skinny bitches that just wanna jump on his d***.

heaven for him, im sure... mr. "i never get hit on by girls..."

a nightmare for me. cause half those bitches don't even CARE if you're THERE with him. dear god, i was in a situation before i was 21 when he played a show with some of our friends, just for fun... a one time thing... and some girls were hitting on him while he was having a drink upstairs and he even pointed me out over the railing (there was a balcony overlooking the downstairs stage and dance floor) and told her he was with me and she STILL hit on him. hoe.

im not saying *EVERYONE* that goes to those places is a hoe... so don't get all huffy... i mean... *I* go sometimes (clearly), and *IM* not a hoe... but you can't deny that 80% of the clientele.... kinda is.

like i said... i trust my FH 100%, without a doubt........... but it still makes me nervous.

sorry for the rant.

---

where art thou, my magnolia mountain?

my nerves are shot.
my patients is dead.
my temper is rampant.
Lord have mercy on me and give me the strength, the will, and the composure i need to continue. Amen.

i can't believe how incredibly worn out i am. i knew it was gonna be rough, but i didn't realize that it was gonna be THIS rough... and the thing is... physically its not hard at all. not one little bit. but it is WAY way more emotionally taxing than i could have ever imagined.

im so jaded.

im tired of fighting. im tired of not caring, and im tired of caring too much at the same time. it gets old, REAL quick.

im tired of pretending to be able to do something that i was never meant to do. look at me! i've NEVER been an even tempered person. sure, i know how to bite my tounge once in a while, but it'll come out sooner or later. ...and the later it comes out... the more intense it is.

i wanna find that place again that allows for interaction, but leaves me, happily, to my own devices at the same time. this is most definitely not that place.

ive been there before... and it wasn't even the most ideal situation, but i was happy none the less.

sure you "always have those people", but the position that ive been put in doesn't allow for me to gracefully handle "those people" the way im used to........ which is not at all. i never had to before... the way i delt with them was simply to pretend they weren't there... and i could do that because there was no required reason for me TO care whether or not they even existed.

sure, there was even that one person... that one person who....... well, now that i think about it, is very similar to a current one, albeit she was milder in ways. but as much as i loathed her presents, i never once felt traped. i schemed... i schemed a lot, for my own entertainment... maybe for a little ill-willed vengance, but never once did i feel traped. and if i wanted (and i did some times), i could just ignore her being there, and all would be fine.

i can't do that now.

and i hate it.

i hate every living, breathing second of it.

what i hate even more is that because of who i am... im being forced to keep it bottled... to bite my tounge harder... and THAT makes for a stronger reaction later, and a longer recovery time. ...and harboring animosity... that too... this is a breading ground for that.

...so very ungodly of me.

i dont know how to deal... how am i gonna make it through? ive been torn down and stripped to nothing and i feel raw and numb and... traped.

the restlessness, the lack of appetite, the sleeplessness, the butterflies and shakiness... its not just a mear annoyance anymore.

my threshold for tollerance has been crossed. it was pressed up against for a very long time, but now its finally busted wide open and overflowed and...

i wish keith were here... or i was there. i need somewhere to lay my head down and someone to hold me so tight that i can't shake when i cry. i need someone to kiss me and tell me its all okay and that it wont last long, and i need someone to wipe the tears away and love me fiercely until i finally calm.

i know he'd do that for me.

i just wish he were here.

EFF my life!

...my stupid effing life. (this story would look shorter if the spacing was different so don't let that scare you TOO much)

so i just got done telling this story to a friend... and i decided to share it with all of you... so you all can see how ironic my life is... (actually you're not going to really see the irony in it like i do, most likely... but you'll see the reason for the "eff my life") ... if it seems choppy its cause i copy/pasted it out of a chat so bare with me.

the other day i left work. on my way home i was 2 cars behind this mini-van

they slowed to a stop with their left turning signal on, right?

and the car in front of me passes them on the right side, on the shoulder... you know... like normal people do

so i start to do the same thing and all of a sudden the van jerks RIGHT and the suddenly STOPS...

so now i have 3 options.

1. swerve into the left hand lane to avoid a collision

2. try to pass them on the right anyway even though that MIGHT either a. result in me going up the hill a bit and flipping b. HITTING the hill and totaling my car c. hitting their van cause now its on an angle or d. making it through fine.

3. slamming on my breaks and HOPING i dont rear end them

ok so option 1 was out immediately.

not really keen on the whole jumping into oncoming traffic idea especially since i couldn't see (or didnt have time to look) if anyone was coming

i thought about option 2 for a hot second but all the negative sub-options outweighed the postive.... so scratch that

so i SLAMMED on my breaks and thought to myself "oh jesus are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

(pretty awesome though process for a literally .02 second decision, no? ALLLL of that went through my head before i hit the break and it only took me half a second to do so)

so anyway after "are you fucking kidding me" i bumped the back of their car... they started moving right away which makes me think they saw it coming and TRIED to move out of the way, but they were in no way fast enough

so now im sitting in my car going (this time a prayer not a curse) "Jesus will you PLEASE cut me a fucking break" (jesus will forgive me for swearing, i was stressed)

because NOW.....

im VERY much aware of the fact (actually i was half aware of this while hitting the break, but i didnt have time to FULLY think of it until i found out if i was gonna hit or not)

..... im very aware of the fact that i DON'T have my insurance card in the car AND im driving with a 2-week expired license.

FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

so anyway...

they pull forward so we're not in the intersection anymore

and i back up so IM not anymore

and they get out of their van... an indian couple from out of state.

im sitting in my car looking desperately for my phone just in case i have to call home for someone to pull up my insurance or.... i dont even fucking know, i just knew i might need it for SOMETHING.

took me a minute to find that since it flew out of my lap. then i fished around my glove compartment PRAYING that MAAAAAAAYBE i DID remember to print out my insurance card some where along the way..... to no avail

and i thought about grabbing my license but then this little voice in my head said, "wait a minute... don't grab anything... maybe... JUST maybe they wont... you know.... care...."

so i sat up and they're staring at my car, not moving

i dunno WHAT they were wating for

obviously THEY weren't going to make the first move.

so i get out and walk up to them and go "are you guys okay?"

"yes"

then they ask "are you okay?"

"im fine."

awkward pause as i finish my approach

"so uh...... you guys had your left turning signal on and you went right................."

all of a sudden this woman launches into this defense about nto knowing which way they were supposed to go... they though left, but it was right... and she goes "well you saw how that one car passed me...." and i said "yeah... they PASSED you cause you were going LEFT.... and IIII was gonna pass you TOO cause you were going LEFT!"

and she goes "but i turned my right signal on... see!" and she points to her right blinker.....

at which point i say "no... your 4-WAYS are on..... SEE?" and i point to her left blinker

and she shoots a look at her husband and goes "you turned them all on?!" and he goes "yeah, we had to pull over..."

and i said "it doesnt matter... even if you DID turn on your right signal, you did it AS you were moving... there was no way in hell i would have had enough time to see the change and i still woulda hit you either way."

the who time her husband is agreeing with me and she finally gives up and he goes "well theres no damage to our car... just a little scratch but we dont care"

and they're looking at my car... which has damage from a previous accident which is what they were looking at horrified.... and i said "my car is fine... that thing on the hood is from something else"

and he goes "okay... well.... awkward pause ........ we're good."

"yep.... me too"

"okay"

"okay"

nods

"have a good day."

i RUN to my car, jump in and drive away

phew

...

now wait

im not done yet..............

lmao

here's the FUCKING KICKER

i was on my way to work this morning.

same fucking street jsut further up

the off ramp is one of those weird ramps that put you almost paralell to where you're going so you almost have to look back behind you to see oncoming traffic in your lane (at least i do... i dont trust my mirror for that)

so... 2 cars ahead of me pulls out

and the car directly ahead of me follows

and i turn back to look at the oncoming traffic as the car ahead of me pulls out

and when i see im clear i step on the gas and BAM

immediate though as my cheek hits my steering wheel BEFORE i turn my head to look "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! *AGAIN*?!"

and i look... sure enough... the car in front of me had NOT ACTUALLY pulled out.

i never turned back around to make sure they were ACTUALLY gone

great.

same thing as before... get out of our cars... my car is fine.. their car may or may not have a few scratches

they're kids this time

probably younger than me

she calls daddy

im ALREADY late for work

she tries to tell him everything is fine

i hear her say something about police and i just about SHIT myself

cause... you know... my license is expired, fuck the fact tha ti dont have my insurance card.

she gets off the phone and turns out no police is getting called cause she convinced him everythign is fine and she cant find anything really wrong with the car

BUT they want my insurance info and shit

so im like "sure"

and in my head im going "good god, you're gonna have to help me out with this one"

and i walk back to my car like i have everythign in need little filing cabinets waiting for me

and i open the glove box and i see this white paper.

NOT my insurance card.

BUT.

it was my papers from inspection last year with my information ON IT

(hallelujah)

and i did that and shit and ugh

mess dude

apparently her dad opened up a claim

got a call from my insurance company

the kids are complaining of neck pain ::rolls eyes::

dude i slammed my cheek on the steering wheel... .its not bruised... it doesnt even HURT.... i didnt HIT them that hard. i was like a foot behind them before i hit htem... it had to be like 3 mph at MOST... IF that.

but whatever

the insurance guy was nice and could tell i probably sounded a bit panicky haha

and he was like "you've got full coverage... your medical is this much and your... whatever... is this much... if she DOES end up claming the tiny little neck injury, you're gonna be fine... and their car sounds like it might only need a couple strokes of paint so... that'll end up being covered too"

in my mind (great! ... cant wait to see what my premium gets jacked to though)

::shrugs:: whatever dude.

but seriously

2 DAYS apart

accident.

fml

the world is falling apart around me.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=22885716&blogId=488818703

OMG!!!! LMAO

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core-- or Dri-Weave-- absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you f__king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness -is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep... Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX